Self Sabotage
- At Home
- At Work
- Dating
- Interpersonal Relationships
- Financial Matters
Self sabotage means to undermine one's self, or one's prospect of success; to damage or disrupt one's life deliberately; to undermine or destroy one's efforts or achievements. Sometimes people do this consciously, while others manage to self-sabotage inadvertently.
Do you continually arrive at business meetings late or unprepared, or neglect to do your work properly, even though you know it will get you in trouble? Have you let opportunities slip by through procrastination, or made yourself sound less experienced or skilled than you are? Do you get into debt over and over, drink too much, or otherwise live on the edge? Do you find yourself saying or doing things on dates that you yourself would not find appealing? Do you break promises to romantic partners even when keeping those promises would not be difficult?
If any of this sounds familiar, you may be self-sabotaging. Some people do this because deep down they don't think they deserve success. Others are afraid to do better than a parent or sibling or spouse, fearing that to pull ahead will cost them love. Even if you're sure you want success, you may be afraid of what comes with it: greater challenges and responsibility, higher hurdles. People have many strong feelings about success and failure in career and personal relationships. Even the most well adjusted person has conflicts in these areas. Human society is both competitive and cooperative, as are families. It takes skill to find the right balance, and to recognize when you are lying to yourself about reward and risk.
There's a particular shame to self-sabotage. When you talk about your troubles, your friends might say, "You did that to yourself," or, "What did you expect, the way you were acting?" It seems your only choice is between feeling stupid and feeling somehow worse than stupid. But there's another choice. With help, you can explore what circumstances in your past contributed to the beliefs that hobble you, and in the light of day decide if what you were told long ago, or what you've been using as a defense, is still valid. With new insights, and with support for your desire to change, you can learn methods for letting go of behaviors that by now may be habitual.