Where am I without "We"
Love, Loneliness, Relationships
- New York is just too lonely a place
- I have so many fears about being close to someone
- I can't find the right partner
- I always get involved with wrong person
- I can't separate from this person I know is not good for me
- I am love sick and drowning
- My love's gone awry
It was supposed to be easy. At least that's what I thought. Other people do it; why can't I? Why am I having so much difficulty finding a mate?
For some, things go well early on in life, and then a "breather" between relationships turns into a drought. You think: have I lost it? Did I ever really have it? Others have trouble from the get-go. Maybe you push people away—maybe you even know why. You don't want to be alone but you don't want to be smothered or dominated. You're afraid of showing your needs because that will mean you're weak. Yet you don't want a partner who doesn't care about your needs.
Many people have problems with letting go of relationships that they know don't and won't work in the long run. Toxic relationships are trouble. They satisfy some need in your life (you may not know what yet) but at a terrible cost. Maybe you aren't sure what the difference is between the normal give-and-take of relationships and emotional abuse, or just how to let go of someone who is so good in some ways and so bad in others. Anyway, what's the point, if you'll just fall in love with the same kind of person all over again?
You think you can't take another rejection or failed relationship. You're in a job where you work long hours and never meet anyone suitable (or it's against the rules to date colleagues). Are there opportunities you're missing? You don't think it can be this difficult for other people. Are you even lovable?
If any of these thoughts go through your mind, it's time to have a conversation with someone who won't judge you, who understands that loneliness itself can feel shameful. The need and desire for intimacy is where we're the most vulnerable. We judge ourselves by how we think others judge us. But love is also what makes us strong and joyful. Even if your life's experiences have made it harder for you than for others, a good relationship is worth working for.